From 12 to 60 - What similarities?

Would you be shocked if the needs of those at one end of the age spectrum (retirees) were astoundingly similar to the needs of the other end of the age spectrum (12 year olds)? Because I have a 12 year old daughter, and I am at a retire-able age, I found myself drawn to the similarities in recommendations of two articles in the Denver Post this week (Dave Maney, “Create future with your kids” and Tom Lauricella, “Retiring in 2012?”) because of their similar considerations of what it means to be successful and financially astute. Both focused on wisdom and emotion in making personal economic decisions. And don’t we all need to draw on wisdom and our personal strengths, whether we are anticipating a long life, or deciding on how we want to live the end of our lives?

So here are the highlights and questions Maney believes we should address with our 12 year olds:

• Without creativity, we won’t succeed – we need more than knowledge.
• Risk and failure are part of life, not the end of it – We need to become resilient and adaptable.
• International borders are being broken down daily – we need to spread our wings and get to know what’s on the other side of those borders.
• Self-discipline is required if we are to be financially responsible – we need to be able to live frugally and access quality for the best prices.
• The information age is here – without joining it, we will be left behind.
• Change is the new normal – what worked yesterday won’t necessarily work today. So, keep questioning and evaluating rather than looking for the right answer offered by an authority.
• You have something valuable to offer the world - how can you best do it and be paid for it? (rather than merely finding someone who will hire you to do something.)
• What do you love enough to invest a lot of time and energy in? How can you best connect with those who really need what you have to offer?
• There are many different ways to get ready for your future. College is one of them. Not all futures or people are best prepared by college. What will best prepare you?

Here are Lauricella’s highlights for those who will soon retire:

• Know what you are spending your money on and make clear decisions about what is necessary and important.
• Be clear on the financial realities “out there,” and how those will impact your income – economic changes are constant, and being in denial about those changes will result in inaccurate calculations.
• Plan ahead so as to know what you can expect from Social Security and how best to save and invest.
• Prepare yourself emotionally – who will you be as a retiree? How will that differ from your identity? What really matters to you? Find a worldview and an identity that works for you, rather than one that will leave you dissatisfied.

So, did you notice that both sets of recommendations suggest that people –retirees and 12-year olds :

• Become intentional in thinking about and planning ahead and making choices in life?
• Become aware of who you are and what really matters to you, what you love, so you can plan a future that is congruent with who you are, that enables you to live out what you love and create a satisfying and enriching future for you and those around you.
• Make choices that are best for you – choices that others make may not fit who you are or best prepare you for a satisfying future.
• Recognize that we live in a constantly changing environment that requires us to be adaptable and resilient?
• Stay aware of that environment rather than wishing for what isn’t – for instance, we can’t wish away our increasingly global economy or high-tech, information age
• Keep a wise perspective on financial well-being, being frugal, exercising self-discipline, investing in what matters.

It would seem that planning for a future and financial matters, regardless of age, have much to do with who we are, what we value, with being intentional and developing helpful personal characteristics like wisdom and self-discipline and self-consciousness, with tuning in to what is around us. Who would have guessed that emotional intelligence and financial intelligence would be so closely related? Or that financial advisors would be urging us to focus on what counselors have been aiming at for years? We really can’t separate out different parts of ourselves very easily. Developing all of ourselves, and integrating all the “parts” is what works best!

The True Meaning of Christmas

I was struck by the Denver Post article, “Teaching kids to be grateful,” that asked whether the Black Friday shopping events would turn kids into materialistic creatures, rather than helping them to be grateful for what they have. Gratefulness is difficult in our household, I must admit. And it seems to circle right around the perceived need for “stuff,” more and better “stuff” than the friends have – or at least the same amount and kind of “stuff” that friends have.

I remember those inclinations as a child – I would be forever asking our parents for what my best friend, Linda, had. My sister would regularly ask for a television and a horse, requests that were repeated every Christmas for most of our growing up years. And, as you can imagine, given that we had no television growing up, our parents were making different choices than the parents of our friends. We frequently felt left out or as though our friends were far better endowed than we were with clothes and toys and activities.

And yet, isn’t that the reason we are in such trouble economically now? That some folks wanted more and better stuff and put those wants above making wise choices? That they chose houses that they probably couldn’t afford, commissions on riskier and riskier mortgages, larger and larger bonuses? It’s as though folks were never taught to make wise financial decisions! It’s as though values went out the window when deciding on major financial investments! And, as it is now clear, individuals can’t just claim that it’s alright to make whatever decisions they want to because we have now been persuaded that poor decisions can be devastating for millions of people!

Interestingly, I chose a profession whose income levels were unlikely to bring in the kind of money necessary to “fix” what I, as a child, had considered inadequacies. And I chose a lifestyle that valued interpersonal relationships and spiritual matters more than material possessions. Particularly now that I am beyond 50, I have realized, as my high school economics teacher once told us – the more stuff you have, the more time and money you have to spend taking care of it. And I don’t want to spend the time or the money. I want to spend time with my daughter, enjoy the out of doors, travel, attend arts events, give something back to society. These are “riches” that fall by the wayside when one is a single professional mother if one has too much “stuff” to take care of. So, I have just downsized, living in a 1000 square foot place and getting rid of everything I didn’t absolutely love. The result is that my daughter feels “poor” despite our more than adequate housing and income – she does not share my values at this time in her life about what makes life “rich.” Like my childhood experiences with our parents, she has not yet come to value what I value, and, as a result, she feels deprived.

So, do we parents just give in? Or do we fully claim our roles as transmitters of values? Do we fully and intentionally teach our children the reasons for the choices we make, financial and otherwise? They will learn whether we are intentional or not, either following in our footsteps or rebelling strongly and making different choices. Do we talk with them about our choices and why we make them? Do we share the values that inform our choices? Do we ourselves think about our values and how our decisions will affect us, our children, and our world in the long run?

In fact, what better time than when we are approaching Christmas to become intentional about gratefulness and the right place for “stuff” in our lives. Spending money on Black Friday doesn’t have to be about materialism or greed or selfishness. In our household it was about getting 70% off on warm clothes that we were lacking due to a recent move from Florida to Colorado. Not spending money that we don’t have to spend is one of our values. So, earlier access to Black Friday sales is less the question than, “Will we be seduced by what is external – be it advertising or keeping up with the Joneses -- or will we be guided by an internal sense of what is important in life, what will help our children grow up to be responsible caring people, what really matters in the long term, rather than only in the short term?” The question is, “What are our values? Are those values contributing to our long term well-being and our children’s long term well-being?” and “Have we considered the impact that our choices make on our communities and the larger society?” “Do we take into consideration that ‘no one is an island,’ that our choices affect many other people, and that ultimately certain ways of living are unsustainable?” Those are the questions that move beyond the simplistic. Those are the questions that challenge us to be intentional about the way we live our lives, that challenge us to take into consideration the bigger picture, the longer term impacts, for individuals, families, and communities. Will you join me in asking them in your family? After all, what better time is there to ask them than at Thanksgiving or as we approach Christmas, Chanukah, and the New Year?