From 12 to 60 - What similarities?

Would you be shocked if the needs of those at one end of the age spectrum (retirees) were astoundingly similar to the needs of the other end of the age spectrum (12 year olds)? Because I have a 12 year old daughter, and I am at a retire-able age, I found myself drawn to the similarities in recommendations of two articles in the Denver Post this week (Dave Maney, “Create future with your kids” and Tom Lauricella, “Retiring in 2012?”) because of their similar considerations of what it means to be successful and financially astute. Both focused on wisdom and emotion in making personal economic decisions. And don’t we all need to draw on wisdom and our personal strengths, whether we are anticipating a long life, or deciding on how we want to live the end of our lives?

So here are the highlights and questions Maney believes we should address with our 12 year olds:

• Without creativity, we won’t succeed – we need more than knowledge.
• Risk and failure are part of life, not the end of it – We need to become resilient and adaptable.
• International borders are being broken down daily – we need to spread our wings and get to know what’s on the other side of those borders.
• Self-discipline is required if we are to be financially responsible – we need to be able to live frugally and access quality for the best prices.
• The information age is here – without joining it, we will be left behind.
• Change is the new normal – what worked yesterday won’t necessarily work today. So, keep questioning and evaluating rather than looking for the right answer offered by an authority.
• You have something valuable to offer the world - how can you best do it and be paid for it? (rather than merely finding someone who will hire you to do something.)
• What do you love enough to invest a lot of time and energy in? How can you best connect with those who really need what you have to offer?
• There are many different ways to get ready for your future. College is one of them. Not all futures or people are best prepared by college. What will best prepare you?

Here are Lauricella’s highlights for those who will soon retire:

• Know what you are spending your money on and make clear decisions about what is necessary and important.
• Be clear on the financial realities “out there,” and how those will impact your income – economic changes are constant, and being in denial about those changes will result in inaccurate calculations.
• Plan ahead so as to know what you can expect from Social Security and how best to save and invest.
• Prepare yourself emotionally – who will you be as a retiree? How will that differ from your identity? What really matters to you? Find a worldview and an identity that works for you, rather than one that will leave you dissatisfied.

So, did you notice that both sets of recommendations suggest that people –retirees and 12-year olds :

• Become intentional in thinking about and planning ahead and making choices in life?
• Become aware of who you are and what really matters to you, what you love, so you can plan a future that is congruent with who you are, that enables you to live out what you love and create a satisfying and enriching future for you and those around you.
• Make choices that are best for you – choices that others make may not fit who you are or best prepare you for a satisfying future.
• Recognize that we live in a constantly changing environment that requires us to be adaptable and resilient?
• Stay aware of that environment rather than wishing for what isn’t – for instance, we can’t wish away our increasingly global economy or high-tech, information age
• Keep a wise perspective on financial well-being, being frugal, exercising self-discipline, investing in what matters.

It would seem that planning for a future and financial matters, regardless of age, have much to do with who we are, what we value, with being intentional and developing helpful personal characteristics like wisdom and self-discipline and self-consciousness, with tuning in to what is around us. Who would have guessed that emotional intelligence and financial intelligence would be so closely related? Or that financial advisors would be urging us to focus on what counselors have been aiming at for years? We really can’t separate out different parts of ourselves very easily. Developing all of ourselves, and integrating all the “parts” is what works best!

Teaching Kids to be Grateful

One of the discussions raised about Black Friday this year was whether starting sales on Thanksgiving evening at 9 pm was cutting into family time, into the time allocated to giving thanks for what really matters. How, it was asked, can we teach our children about gratefulness if we are willing to curtail Thanksgiving in favor of raw materialism? In fact, one article touted research in favor of emphasizing gratefulness because grateful children

• are happier,
• get better grades,
• have more friends,
• feel less envy and depression,
• place less importance on material goods,
• are more willing to share, and
• are less likely to judge themselves and others in terms of possessions accumulated (Denver Post, Wirthman).

Who wouldn’t want these results for their children?

And so I am left to ask, how exactly do we teach our children to be more grateful? As Christmas and Hanukkah and New Year’s Eve approach, times when most of us celebrate very significant parts of our faith experience and have the opportunity to reevaluate our lives and make resolutions for improvements, it seems particularly valuable to help our children to carefully weigh what is important in their lives as well. Of course, it is unlikely that our children will do this if we adults are not taking the same opportunity to show gratefulness and to invest in what is valuable to us!

So ask yourself these questions: Do we consider these holidays merely a time

• For getting more stuff?
• For spending lots of money on giving parties?
• For being seen at the right parties dressed in the best clothes?
• For getting drunk or high?
• For having the yearly fight with family members we don’t get along with?
• For outshining the neighbors with our decorations?
• For draining our bank accounts in our efforts to show love or compete with others?

Or do we use this time of year to take stock of our lives, to ask questions such as:

• What do I really care about?
• What makes my life worth living?
• Who do I care about?
• What am I doing to show them my love?
• How am I investing time and energy and money in what matters?
• What conversations am I having with my children about what is important in life?
• Am I serving as a good role model for my children?

The “demands” for more “stuff” seem constant in our household. And the comparisons with what other children have or get are raised regularly. The choices I make to live frugally and to have only the “stuff” I need and to save money for what I consider important (for instance, college) frequently upset my daughter. She doesn’t want to feel “less” than her friends, and when kids are in middle school, fitting in by having the same material things and clothes and opportunities seems very important. I remember that time and how difficult it was to not do and have what other kids had because of my own parents’ choices.

But the world is filled with materialism and other values choices that help no one and, in some cases, actually cause problems (think pollution, overflowing landfills, foreclosures, recessions). If the grownups don’t make the hard decisions, it is unlikely that the children will make them. If the grownups aspire to the higher values in life, it is likely that the children will as well. So, as my friend used to say, let’s put on our big girl panties, and make the hard choices, stand for something important, become role models for our children, and have the hard discussions. Let’s talk with the other parents and ask them to join us, start discussions and support groups. Let’s take a stand for what’s right, rather than what’s merely more. Let’s make the world a better place for our children and grandchildren to create a future in. What a holiday gift that would be!