When Values Face Trials

I noticed my character going out the window the other day when a vendor was being unreasonable about a cancellation. I wondered if I was the only one who wanted to give up being loving and kind and honorable when faced with injustice or ignorance. And as I was reading the paper, I read about others in difficult straits and wondered if they too struggled with the maintaining their ethical values in the face of life’s trials.

For instance, what about the hockey player whose neck was broken after he was rammed against the wall – how did he and his parents keep from fury at the game, the coach, the other player? Were they tempted to “lose it,” lose their ethics, and take out their anger and fears on others in the face of their potential loss?

What about those “Occupy” protesters around the world using their collective might against corporate greed? Clearly, they were advocating for what they believed was right. And in the face of economic tumult around the world, many of us have been reevaluating our values related to money. Or perhaps reevaluating the values of others who committed the crimes that contributed to our economic crisis – crimes for which many have yet to pay. We read that some of the protesters followed the law, were peaceable, and used their numbers to speak their values or concerns loudly. Others –the papers say outside trouble makers – became violent and destructive, values I would hope we would not aspire to.

And what about the police officers trying to ensure peace and safety during the protests – Did they use wisdom and restraint in handling the protests? Or did they find themselves fearful, and as a result, lose their commitment to promoting peacefulness? Did they become belligerent in the face of the anger that was being expressed?

It is natural to become angry in the face of someone harming us or ours, or in the face of losing something that we value. The question is, what do we do with that anger? Do we lash out or retaliate? Does our fear lead us to do things that are not honorable? Or do we remember that conflict is a normal part of life, and that learning to handle it in helpful ways is a necessity? Do we remember that the person on the other side or the conflict is a human being too, with needs and desires and hopes? Or do we only focus on our needs and desires and hopes?

I certainly know I have trouble thinking about the other person when my needs are thwarted. Or when I am depressed or hurt or sick. And sometimes I justify my “crazy” behavior with those excuses. But afterward, I am drawn back to asking – “Did I behave honorably?” “Was I loving?” “Respectful?” “Kind?” And more importantly – “What would happen if everyone behaved as I did?” Because really, isn’t that the most important thing – realizing that we are all critical cogs in the wheel of our communities – and that we can start a hostile, angry ball rolling downhill fast if we don’t remember that everyone is important in creating a positive community. Won’t you instead stand up and let your character be counted as one who continually aims to grow ethically? To refuse to let circumstances pull you from your central values? To invest in creating positive change in your family and community and school, rather than following along with negativism and harmfulness? I’m going to try to stay there – won’t you join me?