Where Do We Get Off Thinking We Are Entitled?

As I read about the ever unfolding saga of Palm Beach County’s crooks and other crooks in our nation, I am struck by the sense of entitlement that seems to start people down the “slippery slope.” I mean, ethical decision making can be a complex process, and those at the lower levels of capacity might be led astray by bad characters. But as I read, it seems to me that those who break the rules for money seem to believe that they are entitled to the money and benefits. Those who bribe seem to believe that doing whatever you have to do to get people’s business is okay, including giving gifts of money, jewels, tickets to sporting events, and vacations at posh resorts. And, of course, most of us have had the experience of sales people who will say anything they have to say to get our business, who will seem to be our best friends in order to get us to say “yes” to whatever they are selling. We don’t typically consider this a problem – it can be interpreted as friendliness and just loving to get to know people -- or it can be outright lying that we have come to expect.

But where do we draw the line? Is it at “whatever we (or they) can get away with”? Are we willing to behave that way ourselves, have our children led astray by those who behave that way, have our elderly parents deceived by people who veer far away from the truth? How many laws or regulations need to be passed before we decide that such manipulation or entitlement isn’t okay? How many people does an Ethics Commission or Inspector General’s office need investigate before people get the message?

We could easily stop the trust-destroying entitlement behavior if we refused to participate on the receiving end. But therein lies the rest of the problem – those of us who believe that we deserve the perks. After all, we might say to ourselves, we work hard and are sometimes underappreciated. And perhaps we don’t have the ability to pay for such perks ourselves – but envy those who do. In the case of government workers, perhaps we are not paid what we think we are worth, and we figure the perks will make up for it. Perhaps we are lower level workers, and rather than investing in an education or learning English, we figure there is a quicker way to benefits. Perhaps we are mid-level workers at odds with the higher ups, and feel we deserve what they have – so we are willing to take short cuts to get there. Perhaps we are out with the gang, and our friends are being treated, and our choice is to leave – leaving our friends to worry about whether we will “tell” – or to join in so we don’t lose our friends.

Whatever the reason, it becomes difficult not to take the first step. And after one step, the pressure is on, internally and externally, to take another and another. That’s why they call it a “slippery slope” – once we start down, it is more difficult to get off. Internally, it just doesn’t seem that much further to take the next step – we develop calluses on our conscience. Externally, there is the pressure of being found out or having our initial faux pas revealed if we don’t continue “going along.”

But what about stopping the greed in the first place? What about getting beyond the “I want what I want when I want it” mentality. I can understand such a mentality in children who haven’t learn to follow the rules and to control their impulses. I am forever asking my daughter, “Do you really need that?” or reminding her that “more stuff doesn’t make you happy -- it just gives you more to take care of and worry about. And no amount is ever going to help you to match up with your friends. Someone will always have more than you will.” Have some of us adults simply not learned these childhood lessons yet? What will it take? When will we stop to weigh the values that we stand for and actualize values that matter and that don’t hurt us, our families, or other people? When will we realize that all the goodies in the world just feed an empty void that can never be truly filled – no matter how many we grab for; no matter how much of our integrity we give up to get them? Ethics commissions, hearings, and jail won’t teach these lessons – it has to come from within or from Higher Up.