Values: The Antidote to Self-Control Fatigue

January! The month we all make our New Year’s Resolutions. And the month we all start failing at our New Year’s Resolutions! For years, mine was to lose weight – not an uncommon resolution, I understand. (I didn’t make any this year. Keep reading and I’ll tell you why.) What about yours? Are they realistic? Do they ever make it beyond January? If not, why do you think that is?

George Will, columnist for The Washington Post, comments on New Year’s resolutions in his article “Out of Control, By Choice,” in which he reviews Daniel Akst’s book, We Have Met the Enemy: Self-Control in an Age of Excess. As I read the article, I thought about my daughter’s frequent and repeated requests: “Can I have…,” “I want….,” “For my next birthday, I’m gonna ask for. . .,” “Why can’t I have. . .?” And if I suggest to her that she save her allowance, I often get, “But Mooooom. . .,” or “But everyone else has. . .,” or “I wish we were rich, then I could have all these things that I want that everyone else gets just by asking.”

And yet, aren’t many of us like my 11-year-old? We want what we want when we want it, and if the cash is in our pockets, we say, “Why not?” And “it” is constantly, and many times instantly, available these days (one of the points made by the book and Will’s article). This seemingly unlimited availability challenges our self-control. In the case of food – as both authors discuss – we seem to be fighting a losing battle. Obesity has become a national health crisis in our country. Says Will, “One third of Americans are merely overweight, another third are obese. Since 1980, obesity has doubled. . . and the number of diabetics has more than quadrupled.”

But food is clearly not the only temptation – the same can be said about buying almost anything, about sex and drugs and recreational activities. What does it say about us that we can’t seem to get enough?

I, and many other mental health providers and spiritual leaders, would say we are trying to fill up the empty places in our hearts and souls, and we are going about it ways that have no chance of succeeding. Not only that, our unsuccessful efforts take a great deal of time and money, both of which could be better spent on activities that had some chance of success and could provider longer lasting satisfaction. The result of our misdirected efforts are all sorts of personal and societal problems – obesity, as already mentioned, runaway debt, lack of time for interacting meaningfully with friends and family, a lack of a sense of community in our neighborhoods. And the longer term effects include most of what we see in the news these days: a national debt crisis resulting from bailing out criminally negligent financial and other institutions and from our governments’ attempts to prevent more fall out; failing schools; increasing addiction; increasingly polarized political rhetoric; and innocent people being shot by mentally ill people.

What if our New Year’s resolutions were to end the frantic chase after more and better things and entertainment and take a stand for moral and ethical values. We would all get to decide what values we want to be central in our own lives – for instance, love, responsibility, fairness, giving back to society, among many others. But the key daily questions for us after deciding on a set of core ethical values would be, “How will I live out those values today?” “How does what I am thinking about doing today reflect those values?”

With those values at the center of who we are and what we do, we can cease the frenetic and inherently flawed chase after more and better stuff or excitement. We can increase the likelihood of life satisfaction, healthy and loving relationships, and spending that fits our means. We can build the types of communities that will simply and loudly say, “NO!” to the craziness we read in the daily papers. We can declare with our words and behavior, “We simply will not tolerate living in this sort of world!” “We will proactively do whatever is necessary to change it for the better!” And, “We will do it by letting our values lead, rather than being pulled too and fro by ‘flavor of the day.’”