Honor and Bravery and Truthfulness and Integrity. And did I say Honor?

Kevin Horrigan’s article in the February 2^nd Denver Post, hits many nails on the head from my perspective. In response to the outrage about Francesco Schettino’s “cowardly” behavior in leaving his sinking cruise ship, he asks whether our outrage is justified, whether any of us would have behaved any differently. “In our imaginations,” he says, “we are all noble and brave. But honor and self-sacrifice are qualities far rarer than we’d like to think. Look around. People are copping pleas and making excuses all over the place.”

And isn’t he right? What is this about? Why are we so guilty of this? Where have we learned not to take responsibility, not to bear the consequences for our actions?

Granted, consequences are not fun! If I spill the milk (or the peas or the chocolate syrup or the hair dye), I have a mess to clean up. The rest of my family is not likely to take kindly to my just leaving the house and expecting them to clean it up! If I don’t make the car payment, the bank is likely to come and take my car, and probably won’t accept my excuses. And I am not going to be too happy about figuring out how to make do without a car. And, of course, there are behaviors with far more serious behaviors, like the Wall Street executives who caused the collapse of the world economy.

But is it any great surprise that these executives are not taking responsibility when we have accepted a society of excuses? When we so rarely hold ourselves responsible? Why can’t we take responsibility? Why can’t we say, “I blew it and I hate the result and I know I have to make it right and I will make it right?” Of course, we would rather not suffer the consequences. But what does it say about our society that we don’t tend to own up to our mistakes, realize that everyone makes mistakes, and become determined to rectify the problem and make amends? What does it say that we don’t feel justified in holding other people’s toes to the fire when they make mistakes, while still caring for them, helping them to make it right, and helping them to do better next time? What keeps us so fearful of telling the truth that no one can help us to do better, to learn, to improve, to avoid the big disasters?

Wouldn’t doing just that have created a different culture on Wall Street, one that would allow people to be honest earlier on, and stop the mistakes from escalating into an all out world crisis? It’s almost as though the message is that we are all supposed to be perfect, and if we aren’t, then we have to hide it so people won’t . . . won’t do what, realize that we aren’t perfect? Ask us to make things right? Ask us to take responsibility and be honorable? Are we really so loath to do that? Do we really think we are fooling people into thinking we are perfect? Do we really have so little self-esteem that if we don’t look perfect, we will be nothing?

Well, the mental health professionals have some answers for these questions – things related to poor self-esteem and problematic child raising and psychopathology and . . . . But perhaps the most important questions to ask are aspirational questions, questions about honesty and integrity and how we can become the best we can be. Questions like, “Really, you think that hiding or lying is going to get you to a better place? To a place that you want to be?” Or, “Do you think that no one else has ever made a mistake?” And, “Let’s talk it all out and together we will figure out where to go from here.”

And perhaps the most important answers to seek are to the questions, “How can we care about one another more aggressively so that we all know that there are people to stand with us even when we blow it?” “How can we talk openly so that we are walking the path together, helping one another out, catching one another when we fall, and helping each other get back on the path when we veer off track?” “How can we know the truth about one another so that we know how best to care and encourage and correct?” “How can we model openness in our endeavors to demonstrate good character so that people see us fail as well as succeed, and thus know that we believe each day is a journey, not the end point, and that no one reaches perfection, so any attempt to look perfect (whatever our definition of perfect) is a lie?”

“So, Francesco Schettino, you blew it big time. Time to invest incredible amounts of energy in restitution and accountability. Perhaps you can’t make it right – after all, people lost their lives, and we desperately hope that it wasn’t because you were doing something other than being the captain you were supposed to be. But regardless of the causes, own up to your failures. Tell the truth – people won’t necessarily like it, but they would rather have the truth than have you telling them lies. Accept the consequences you deserve. Spend the rest of your life trying to make up for this tragedy, giving of yourself voluntarily. Be a role model of contrition in both words and behavior. We need more of that in our world if we are to turn it around, if we are to get beyond excuses to responsibility, beyond law suits to healing. Won’t you give it a try? Perhaps if you take the lead, others will follow. And so on, and so on, and so on. . . .”

Remaking America (March 2009)

Perhaps I am a little late with this blog about the inaugural address. But it still rings through my heart, and is resuscitated each time I receive an email or video from the Obama machine. I can only hope that you too were encouraged and enlivened and inspired by Obama's call to "remake America." And did you notice his call to character as central to this effort, that he rejected the false "choice between our safety and our ideals." Did you notice his call for justice, hope, virtue, humility, restraint, and depending on the "force of our example." He urged us to return to the truths upon which our success has always depended: honesty, courage, fair play, tolerance, curiosity, loyalty, patriotism, faith, determination, selflessness. I have rarely heard values and ideals ring so centrally in a politician's speech.

Obama urged us to return to the "ideals of our forbears," the ideals and virtues that shaped our country, the ideals that kept the country's founders struggling and sacrificing and working "'til their hands were raw so that we might live a better life." "Those ideals still light the world and we will not give them up for expedience sake," he said. "Greatness is never a given. It must be earned." The "journey has never been one of shortcuts or settling for less. It has not been the path for the faint-hearted" or the lazy or the greedy. He urged us to give our "all to a difficult task" "brave once more the icy currents and endure what storms may come." He pointed to the courage that would be necessary for the journey to greatness, including the courage to make "unpleasant decisions."

Obama also stressed the strength of our "patchwork heritage" and the need to cooperate and value diverse points of view and talents, because America is "bigger than the sum of our individual ambitions; greater than all the differences of birth or wealth or faction." We must strive for "common purpose and humanity" and offer "opportunity for every willing heart . . . because it is the surest route to our common good." We need to choose "hope over fear, unity of purpose over conflict and discord," and to end "petty grievances and false promises." We aim to "move beyond narrow interests," and to use "imagination" to surmount the "stale political arguments that have consumed us for so long."

And Obama refused to settle for caring for ourselves at the expense of others. He pointed out the need to reach out to those less fortunate: "we can no longer afford indifference to the suffering outside our borders, nor can we consume the world's resources without regard to effect." We must "embody the spirit of service: a willingness to find meaning in something greater than" ourselves. And by doing so, we will carry "forth that gift of freedom and deliver it safely to future generations."

Whatever our politics, can we really disagree with these aims? Perhaps we don't know how it will be done yet. Perhaps some will point to the unrealistic nature of these lofty ideals. But without the light shining in front of us, without pushing ourselves to the limit, without inspiring everyone to take part in "remaking America, how will we have the courage or strength to keep going for the long haul, to reach for the best, to make the optimal a reality? Wouldn't you rather live in a world that held these values central? Wouldn't you rather work with people whose aspirations rise above the drudge? Wouldn't you rather live in a neighborhood in which a focus on such ideas draws you together in a common effort? Aren't you more inspired by Obama's vision than you have been by any other in a long time? I certainly am.