Spirit-Care for Leaders

• Do you ever feel as though you have lost your zip?
• Do you wonder where you will get the energy to do what needs to be done tomorrow?
• Do you wonder how you can inspire your people when you feel so uninspired yourself?
• Might you be thinking about a LONG vacation, from which you never return?

There is a good deal of talk in the mental health world about the need for self-care – for relaxation, for supportive friends to talk difficulties over with, for addressing emotional issues that may be hanging on from childhood. We also see articles or hear from experts who tout the wonders of regular exercise and healthy meals and various supplements or herbs. And everyone speaks of the need for downtime, for relationship time, for balanced living.

And yet, sometimes high-powered people think they are immune. They work smarter, think more quickly, organize efficiently, have money to pay others do the routine, dull parts of life. And then they aren’t. And then the illness hits. Or their spouse leaves. Or their kid gets arrested. And then they lose their zip. And then they wonder what life is about.

I think many forget to seek out the “spirit” in life. Now don’t get wiggy – I am not going to “god” talk you, or tell you to go back to church or listen to your mother. I’m not going to suggest that you get “saved” or to read your Bible more. Unless, perhaps, you already know that you need to do these things.

But, I do think that leaders with considerable power can confuse themselves with God – sitting up on a pedestal and expecting things of themselves that no human being should expect. I do think that leaders can forget the balance of power,  that the world operates better when people shoulder responsibilities together, when everyone takes on their share, and follows their particular “calling.” I do think that leaders can forget their calling, their joy, that which gives meaning to their lives. And they do so at their own peril!

So, what about you? What would it take to reclaim a place among us mere mortals? What would it take to expect a reasonable amount of yourself? What would it take to stop playing God, or to reclaim a place that is somewhere between incompetent and your God aspirations? What would the people in your life have to do to persuade you to share a little vulnerability, to connect with the little people, to receive life and love and “spiritual food” from other people? What would it take to receive from Something or Someone “higher” than yourself?

Perhaps no one else can answer that question for you. But many of us have answered it for ourselves. And we have learned that we and the people around us do much better when we reclaim a place in the universe that is made for us, rather than aspiring out of pride to something that we can never reach: godhood!

Becoming a Leader

We often think of leaders as people with particular traits, with particular needs to be up in front, to guide others, or to offer some talent that they alone have. And it is true that some people have those needs. Others advance in job or social situations to positions where they are expected to provide leadership whether they feel these needs or not. We see these people up in front. We expect of them some special skills that we might not expect of ourselves.

But, in fact, aren’t we all supposed to be leaders? Of something or someone? That is, aren’t we all supposed to have some influence on the world for good? From a spiritual point of view, we all have gifts or “callings” that we are to use in some way to positively affect the world. And isn’t that the same as “leading” someone or some group or some situation toward “the good?” The gifts of the Spirit noted in the Christian Bible include wisdom (giving wise advice), knowledge (studying and teaching), faith, prophesying, serving, teaching, preaching, administration, giving comfort, generosity with money earned, healing, prophecy, miraculous powers, discrimination between spirits, speaking in or interpreting different languages (see Romans 12 and I Corinthians 12). Other spiritualities or faiths may name other gifts or talents. But most believe that we have a responsibility in the world to make a positive difference by using the gifts we have received. And doesn’t this mean we become role models, influencing people toward what is right? Doesn’t that make us leaders or healers or change creators – if only by enacting our own giftedness?

In fact, haven’t we all heard of people who made remarkable differences in the lives of those around them, in their work environments, in their communities without ever having to get up in front? They may have influenced from the background. From a quiet counseling room or as a tutor of a young child or from getting all of the administrative tasks out of the way so that a preacher could preach or a youth leader direct.

I think we make mistakes when we expect leaders to be strong people of bravado, and when we opt out of leading because we are not brave or do not like to stand up in front. I think those to whom we assign leadership get the wrong message when we expect them to always be in charge, to always be confident in front of a crowd, or to always strongly assert themselves in difficult situations. I think we let ourselves and many other gifted people off the hook when we opt out of leadership – as though we are saying, you have to look strong, stand tall, and be assertive and confident in order to make a difference. The pressure that those strong, tall, assertive people then feel is to always be right, to always speak up, to always know THE truth or THE way to go. And who can live up to such expectations?

In fact, some of the best leaders have been introverts, quiet people who have triggered the strengths of those around them. They have listened first. They have asked questions and gathered experts around them – and expected those experts to behave as experts. They have known they are not always right, and have considered the answers that groups develop to be better than those they create themselves. They have been quiet and unassuming – but have recognized and supported and built the strengths of others.

Doesn’t this let those of us in traditional leadership roles off the hook a bit? Doesn’t it put the focus somewhere else for once? Might it not, in some cases, recognize that Someone else is in charge, and we are all merely servants? And doesn’t it put the responsibility right where it ought to be – with Someone who knows how to do it? With Someone who led by dying? With Someone who didn’t approach the world with bravado, but with humility? 

I know I frequently forget who my Someone is, and think I am supposed to be in the director’s chair. Then I fail to tune into those around me who, in particular situations, are called to lead me. Who is your Someone, and how will you humble yourself to allow Him or Her to lead? Who in your cadre of important folks might lead you? Or whose leadership might you support? Imagine the positive change that could emerge in our world if we actively sought to encourage the leadership and giftedness of those around us!

Centering on your Super Power

• Do you ever feel as though there is so much on your desk that you simply can’t find your joy at work?
• Do you ever wonder why you got into this work in the first place?
• Do you ask yourself why you wanted to be a leader or a professional or a (fill in the blank) anyway?
• Do you wonder if the quality of your work is suffering because of this ongoing sense of “overwhelmed-ness” or “powerless-ness” or “not-getting-ahead-ness?”

Enter Wonder Worker!!!!!! 

Oh yeah, those mythical creatures, those “Avengers,” don’t really exist, do they. It is always nice to think that someone with more power than we have will swoop in to rescue us, and will save the day. It is always helpful to imagine that someone else knows better than we do. That someone else has this thing figured out! That someone else has that expertise we need. 

And maybe that is true, although that expertise doesn’t seem likely to be of the “super power” variety.

Unless you believe in God –Perhaps God won’t just swoop in and rescue us. But perhaps reconnecting with our Higher Power can help us access some of that power. At a minimum, and perhaps more likely, perhaps reconnecting will bring us some wisdom, and hope, and a reconnection with what really matters. Perhaps it will give us perspective, which can make all the difference in our emotional state.

Even those who don’t believe in God generally have some center of meaning in their lives. 

·         So, what is yours?

• How will you connect?
• What gives value to your life?
• What are you invested in?
• What makes life worth living?
• Where is that “center” for your life that keeps everything in balance?
• How will you reconnect?

Perhaps you can draw a picture of that “Center of Meaning,” take some time to meditate on and visualize its role in your life, and then:

• Draw around it all of the other things that are pulling you away from your Center.
• Draw them as they are or as what they feel like now.
• And then draw them as you would like them to be.
• Now close your eyes and visualize moving them into position around your Center of Meaning, into the positions that you would like them to be, or that your Higher Power might like them to be. Breathe deeply, and go back to work refreshed and operating from a different place.

The Leader’s Character and Impact: Inextricably Tied Together

• Are you having the impact you want to have as a leader?
• Is your team operating at top productivity?
• Are you clear on how to lead others?
• Do you have a clear idea about what you are leading toward?

If you answered yes to these questions, then perhaps you can skip to another article. But if you are not sure, or if you need a refresher, or if you envy the results of other leaders, then read on!

I personally have held many leadership positions. And I am pretty sure I have done a poor job at times. In fact, I think that most times I was only a leader by virtue of being willing to take on responsibility when others were not. Now that I regularly conduct leadership training, I am shocked at how many people rise to leadership positions because of longevity in their professional positions and how few educational or professional training programs teach people what to do when they do rise become leaders. 

What is also somewhat of a shock is that most of the life skills, the soft skills, that mental health professionals teach, when they reach beyond remediating mental illness, are actually what leaders need to know. Consider this list of leadership training topics:

• Creative Problem Solving
• Creativity and Innovation
• Communication Skills
• Conflict Resolution Skills
• How to Build a Team
• Influencing Skills
• Building Resilience
• Change Management
• Taking Care of Ourselves During Change

While I am sure that there are many other abilities that leaders need, what is really impressive is the apparent need for leaders to learn more than their “content expertise” in order to lead or manage people well. What also impresses me is that each item on the list includes the need for good character. However great I am at computers (or nursing, or finance or laying tile or building widgits), if I want to lead my people, they need to know that

• they can trust me
• I have their best interests at heart
• I have their backs
• I will regularly talk with them – about their work/needs and about what’s going on in the company
• I will not sell them out
• I will work just as hard as they will and will do my best
• I will tell the truth
• I will expect them to do their best at what they are best at
• I will consult them in areas of their expertise, and not exclude them
• I will know enough about their personal and work needs to support them.

In other words, if I am not having the desired impact as a leader, perhaps I need to ask myself if, in addition to the skills of my profession, I am exercising the following character traits:

• Trustworthiness
• Integrity
• Perseverance
• Appreciation
• Kindness
• Determination
• Trust
• Self-Control
• Transparency
• Openmindedness
• Kindness
• Responsibility
• Authenticity
• Respect
• Fairness
• Humility
• Generosity
• Gratitude